


This Stupid Fucking Armor

by blue_pointer



Series: A Study in Gold [9]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comedy, Comfort Sex, Comfort/Angst, Don't copy to another site, Episode: c01e045 Those Who Walk Away, Feathers & Featherplay, Gilmore is a lovely thing, I might have to kill you, Light BDSM, Light Bondage, Loud Sex, Love Geometry, Love Triangles, M/M, Metallic Dragon!Gilmore, Minor Keyleth/Kashaw Vesh, Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Minor Zahra Hydris/Vex'ahlia, Misunderstandings, Only One Man for Me, Polyamorous Solidarity, Smut, Tea, Tea For Two, Temper Tantrums, Vaxmore, Vex'ahlia is a marvelous creature, Wrong room, and the spilling thereof, it's possible that Kashaw is a little homophobic, just saying, little stormcloud Vax, of hot dogs and tacos, queen meets vamp, revel in the perversity, spit-takes, when you try to pretend you're not Goth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:27:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26982151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: While the gang frees Galdric from the locket, Gilmore is introduced to both Zahra and Kashaw for the first time. When Vax returns to the castle grumpy as hell, Gilmore helps him relax.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore & Zahra Hydris, Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Zahra Hydris & Kashaw Vesh
Series: A Study in Gold [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906693
Comments: 12
Kudos: 35





	1. Sorry Not Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Gilmore meets Zahra and tea is spilled.

Gilmore had awakened in the night to an empty bed and the sound of voices from Keyleth’s room down the hall. He tried muting their conversation through the clever and desperate use of pillows held over his face. When that didn’t work, Gilmore gave up and cast Silence on himself, unwilling to listen to another night of their trysting. For good measure, he took a sleeping draught Pike had left for him, not trusting his mind to empty itself enough to rest after he’d been forced to listen to Vax’ildan’s ardent love confession to someone else. 

The next morning, Gilmore awoke to the sound of the twins’ voices from down the hall. It seemed Vax had not spent the night with Keyleth after all. That was a relief. Vex’ahlia and Vax’ildan really were adorable the way they bickered back and forth. Apparently their adventure in Vasselheim had yielded a new set of armor they both wanted. Gilmore considered the high stakes involved in their last foray. He certainly would have appreciated a little notice that Vox Machina might be encountering a deity on their little day trip. 

The only real advantage that had come from the disaster had been the revelation of what Gilmore had first taken to be a death mark on Vax’ildan. Knowing now what it was, who it was, Gilmore no longer had to fear Vax being taken away from him suddenly. In fact, it was quite likely Vax’ildan would continue to exist for a very long time to come. This was good news to Gilmore, who was not limited to the mortal plane of existence. Now if only he could convince Vax’ildan that he was safe. Well, there would be time for that now. 

Gilmore lay awake, fixing his hair and face in case the twins--or one of them in particular--should choose to check in on him before breakfast. But after an hour of waiting, he began to wonder if _anyone_ was going to check on him at all with Pike and Sherri still gone. Not that he was hungry, per se, but that would change. 

Eventually, his door did open, but it was no one Gilmore would have expected. For a fact he knew there were no tiefling servants among the de Rolo household staff. 

“Oh, hullo, you’re not Pike,” the red-skinned female said. “Apologies. The servants told me this was Pike’s room.” 

“Well, it is, in fact, Pike’s room, Mistress…?”

“Zahra.” She flashed him a fang-toothed smile. “But, please. I only use mistress for special occasions.” She grinned, prehensile tail lashing with amusement. “Just call me Zahra. And you are?” 

“Gilmore. Apologies for my lack of hospitality, Zahra, but as you can see, I am at a bit of a disadvantage, currently.” 

“Oh?” He watched her eyes quickly dart about the room, taking in first aid supplies and soiled bandages. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can help with?”

“Well, as a matter of fact...I’d kill for some tea just now.”

“You poor thing!” she exclaimed. “Have no servants come to check on you? It’s half past brunch now!”

“It’s possible I wasn’t thinking clearly when I sent Pike away earlier,” Gilmore admitted, chagrined. 

“Well, never fear, darling. I’ll be right back with some tea, and perhaps we can talk a little more.”

She was an interesting one. Being confined to bed was difficult, and he would be glad for a little company. Gilmore did worry, though. Were Sherri and Pike alright? Had they been gone too long now? It was difficult to track time when one was bedridden. 

Before half an hour, Zahra returned with a tray of tea and biscuits she’d managed to scrounge. She poured him a cup and settled comfortably into the bedside chair, pulling her legs up and tucking her feet underneath herself. She sat there for a few beats of silence, just enjoying the steam rising from her mug of tea and watching him sip his. “You’re a lovely thing, aren’t you?” It was not a question. Gilmore watched her, quietly, guarded. “Where have they been hiding you? I’ve heard them mention a Gilmore before, but they never bring you along with them to Vasselheim.”

Gilmore choked on his tea. “No...no, you wouldn’t--Vasselheim is, to put it mildly, not my kind of city.”

She wrinkled her nose in sympathy. “All the religious types, am I right?” 

“Well, if I’m being honest, I do wonder why a lovely lady like yourself would choose the Cradle of Faith as her home.” 

“I think part of me just revels in the perversity, you know?” Gilmore nearly spit out his tea, and took a moment to regain his composure. Zahra’s grin widened. “Tiefling warlock in a city full of priests and zealots.” 

“I believe I’m going to like you, Zahra,” Gilmore said, smiling tentatively.

“I can already tell I’m going to absolutely adore you, Gilmore.” 

“So...speaking of adoration, you said they’ve mentioned me to you?” Gilmore could not resist a little fishing, knowing there was something there to catch. 

“I feel sure your name’s come up several times on our adventures.” And she tilted her head, trying to remember. 

“You wouldn’t happen to recall whose were the lips speaking my name?” Because that part was what really mattered.

“You know...I don’t,” she admitted, finally. “But I spend the bulk of my time chatting with Vex’ahlia--marvelous creature that she is, I simply cannot get enough of her. Oh!” And here she paused, looking self-conscious. “She’s not yours, is she? If so, my apologies. I might have to kill you.” Gilmore laughed out loud, and then stopped, clutching his bandages. “Oh, but you’re injured. You poor thing. Would you like me to go find a healer? I know just the one.”

“Please, don’t trouble yourself,” Gilmore said, catching his breath. “And, to answer your question, no. Mine is...the other.”

“Vax?” she sat back in the chair. “Now that is interesting.” 

“Well…” Gilmore knew it was unfair not to qualify his statement. He began to do so, but Zahra gasped, cutting him off. 

“It’s you! You’re the one!” Gilmore blinked as he suddenly found her pointing at him. “He said...that’s right! He said there was only one man for him.” She smiled, delighted. “So that must be you!”

Gilmore was stunned. “He said that? In front of...people?” He started to get emotional. Had Vax’ildan really acknowledged his feelings for Gilmore in public?

“He did!” Zahra beamed. “Oh, now I _have_ to go get my brother.” She rose quickly, setting her mug on the bedside table. “Hold on, I’ll be right back!”

Gilmore watched her bustle out of the room, feeling unfulfilled. He needed her to come back and tell him exactly what Vax’ildan had said and why. Gilmore waited for quite some time, finishing his cup of tea and half-heartedly nibbling at one of the biscuits. They were stale, but his stomach was empty. 

Finally, Zahra returned with a very ordinary-looking human in cleric’s garb. “Your brother, I presume?” Gilmore asked, curious. 

Zahra looked at her companion, excited, and said, “Kashaw, this is Gilmore. Vax’s friend.”

“What?” the man asked, looking annoyed. And then, he seemed to see Gilmore for the first time, and his eyes widened. “Ohhhhhhhh! Now I--okay. Vax’s _friend_. Gilmore.”

Gilmore had had enough of people hinting around his sexuality decades ago. “Kashaw. A pleasure to meet you. You’re also one of Vax’s friends?”

The cleric’s eyes widened further. “Wh--no. Nooooo no no no no. Me, I’m a friend of _Keyleth_ ’s. No hot dogs for me. Tacos only.” He turned to Zahra. “Vax has _multiple_ friends? Why in the hell was he busting my balls for talking to her, then?” Gilmore was listening carefully, but he still wasn’t exactly certain that he understood the subtext. 

“Ah, if I may,” Zahra turned to him to explain. “We had a little bit of a mm...situation on this last trip together.”

“It was really more of a shitshow,” Kashaw cut in. “And don’t forget Vex fucking died.” 

“Ah, yes.” Zahra said. “That, too. You see, we’d gone to the sunken tomb of the Raven Queen’s champion in order to get the--”

“You sure it’s safe to be telling him all this?” Kashaw interrupted, looking at Gilmore with suspicion. Ah, to be dismissed as sub-human and then criminalized. No, Gilmore would never set foot in Vasselheim again. 

“Well of course it is. He’s Vax’s one man.” At least Zahra had managed to fully accept Gilmore within the span of an hour.

“One man? Then what the hell was he hitting on _me_ the whole time for?” Kashaw asked.

“What was that?” Gilmore asked, more curious than ever. 

“Oh, it was just mixed signals!” Zahra insisted, waving a hand dismissively at Gilmore’s concerns. Beside her, Kashaw shook his head no, it was not mixed signals at all. 

Gilmore sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. “Oh yes!” Zahra remembered. “He’s injured! Brother, will you do a bit of healing on him? I think we’ve tired him out.”

Kashaw shrugged, callous. “I mean, I guess. I thought you brought me in here to see Vax’s manfriend, not to--”

“Please?” she asked, in as cute and coquettish a posture a curvy tiefling could manage without changing parental guidance warnings. 

“Okay, fine.” 

Gilmore’s skin began to glow, and he could feel his open wound stitching back together. He also had a great deal more energy than he’d had the moment before. “Thank you, Brother Kashaw.” Gilmore inclined his head. 

“I did it for her,” he said brusquely, and made as if to leave the room. 

“Kash, wait!” Zahra called out. 

“Look, you two work it out. I’m getting the heebie-jeebies being in here for even this long. I know what I have to do now,” he said as he walked out and moved down the hall. 

Zahra turned back to Gilmore apologetically, but he knew Kashaw’s type. At least they’d managed to have a semi-civil exchange free of slurs. “He’s never stopped talking about Keyleth since their first mission together,” Zahra said. “But Vex said she was already claimed for Vax, so...there was a bit of friction on our last trip together.”

“Ah.” Gilmore had guessed that part, but the rest sounded more complicated. “Well, in Vax’ildan’s defense, he did officially break things off with me because he has feelings for her.” 

“What? Oh no!” she reached for his hand. 

“I’m fine, I assure you,” Gilmore smiled, weary of the drama, and squeezed her fingers reassuringly. “I still consider him mine, but that doesn’t preclude him from being hers, as well.”

“Ah, I see!” Zahra said, sitting down. “That’s very civilized of you.” She picked up her mug of tea. “I find that generally humans take a much more...narrow view than necessary in these matters.” 

“Indeed,” Gilmore said, raising his cup to her in agreement. But he wondered, had he just accidentally encouraged Vax’s rival for Keyleth’s affections? And if so, was he sorry?

*

Gilmore sat alone, considering Zahra’s words, after she’d left. The tomb of the Raven Queen’s champion. Gilmore hadn’t thought about Purvan for ages. Knowing they’d raided the sunken temple of the Raven Queen explained most of what had occurred yesterday. Gilmore tried to recall the champion’s armor, but could only remember black and leather, naturally trimmed with some raven contour feathers. He couldn’t envision sleek little Vaxil’dan in that bulky armor. But perhaps he wouldn’t have to…


	2. The Affliction of the Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After wasting a day trying to figure out the Raven Queen champion's gifts, Vax is very grumpy. Gilmore knows just what he needs.

It was nearing sundown when Vax’ildan trudged back into Pike’s bedroom, looking tired and annoyed. 

“Long day, my love?” Gilmore asked, pleased that Vax had returned to him the moment Vox Machina had gotten back.

“We marched all day for a damn wolf that won’t follow commands, and this new armor takes an hour to put on. I hate it.”

“What armor would that be?” Gilmore asked, knowing precisely what armor it was. 

“This stupid--” he threw his bag on the floor. “--fucking armor that fucking killed my sister yesterday!” He punctuated each ‘fuck’ with a kick to his bag. 

Gilmore had to think for a moment. “Ah, it was trapped.” A death curse trap was exactly the sort of thing Gilmore would have expected the Raven Queen to lay down.

“Of course it was trapped!” Vax’ildan seemed to want to yell. “Any idiot knows the sarcophagus of a legendary champion of a god is going to be trapped! Every idiot except Percival Fucking von Mountebank de Rolo the 13th!”

“Oh dear.” This did not bode well. “It sounds as though things were quite hectic for our brilliant Percival to forget something so basic.”

“I punched him.” Vax whirled around to face Gilmore, his posture both proud and ashamed. “Right in his fucking know-it-all mouth, and he deserved it.”

“I daresay he did,” Gilmore said, feeling he should have a talk with Percy soon and make certain he was alright. Accidentally killing one’s secret crush could be traumatic. 

That seemed to mollify Vax, who walked to the edge of the bed and hovered at Gilmore’s elbow, sullen and indecisive. “How are you feeling?” he asked. Gilmore couldn’t be sure, but he thought he detected an undertone of ulterior motive. 

“Better than I have since you left--” That seemed all Vax’ildan needed to hear. He clambered into bed, shedding his clothes as quickly as Gilmore had ever seen him do so. “May I help you?” he drawled. 

Vax pulled Gilmore against him kissing him roughly. “I just don’t want to think right now,” he explained when he let Gilmore go. But Vax wouldn’t look at him, and that was worrisome.

“Well then.” Gilmore stroked his cheek. “Allow me to distract you.” In a flash, he rolled over on top of Vax and kissed him again. 

“Oh, you _are_ feeling better.” Vax’ildan’s eyes lit up. 

“Enough for this, at least,” Gilmore said, slipping off Vaxildan’s earring so that he could nibble his earlobe without communicating it to all of Vox Machina. 

“Oh, that’s--!” 

Gilmore teased both ears until Vax was squirming beneath him. “Something else you want?” Gilmore grinned. 

“Actually, yes.” Vax reached down and showed him. 

“Oh really?” Gilmore cocked an eyebrow. That was something new.

“Lie on your back,” Vax whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“That’s unlikely,” Gilmore purred. “Besides, what if I don’t want to?” He’d spent days on his back at this point. And control wasn’t what Vax’ildan needed just now. Though he doubtless did not know it. 

“You don’t want to?” Vax asked, immediately hurt, taking Gilmore’s words entirely the wrong way. 

“No,” Gilmore said, firmly, gripping Vax’ildan’s wrists and raising them over his head, where he bound them tight to the headboard with Arcane restraints. 

“Wh--” Vax struggled, but not much. He got the message swiftly, eyes lighting up. “You really just did that.” 

“Let go,” Gilmore told him, dropping a kiss on Vaxil’dan’s collar bone. 

“But what if--” Gilmore silenced him with a kiss. 

“Let go,” he said, again, slipping on one of Vax’ildan’s leather gloves before sliding his hand down the boy’s side from arm to hip. He watched Vax’ildan’s eyes close, focusing on the touch. “You have no control.”

His eyes opened, and for a moment, the fear flared up; Vax considered resisting. Gilmore kissed his forehead, ghosting gloved fingers over his bare skin. “Do you trust me, Vax’ildan?” 

His hurt brown eyes looked up at Gilmore with reverence. Vax nodded. And when Gilmore bent to kiss his lips, Vax responded passionately, eager to be led. 

Thanks to the healing Brother Kashaw had given him that afternoon, Gilmore was feeling quite up to the task. This time, he cast Silent on Pike’s door, and proceeded to make Vax’ildan shout well past dinner. As the castle prepared to turn in for the night, Gilmore finally let him go.

“I fucking love you,” Vax panted, rolling toward Gilmore to slide shaking hands around him and be rewarded with petting. 

“How are your wrists?” Gilmore asked gently. 

“I can’t feel my fingers,” Vax said. “And I don’t care.” Gilmore did his job to take care of Vax, then, their intimacy unbroken by words until equilibrium had returned, and they lay together intertwined. 

“Are you going to show me your new armor now?” Gilmore asked, stroking Vax’ildan’s hand with his thumb. 

“No,” he replied, sullen. “I hate it.” 

“Because of the price you paid, or the burden that comes with it?” 

“I don’t know what to feel about it,” Vax admitted, hiding his face in the curve of Gilmore’s neck, clearly afraid. “I don’t know what it all means.” 

Gilmore stroked his hair, soothing. “She’s not as frightening as all that,” he said. “No Sarenrae, of course, but then neither are you.” 

“I never asked for another god,” Vax mumbled against Gilmore’s skin. 

“Typically, you know, that’s not how these things work.” 

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Vax said, looking up at him. 

“No, of course not,” Gilmore soothed, kissing the pointed tip of his ear. “But neither should you be frightened.” He kissed Vax under the jaw. “It’s not knowing that’s scaring you right now, that’s all.” 

“But what if I don’t want to know?” Vax asked petulantly.

“Destiny waits for no one,” Gilmore said, kissing his throat. 

“I know you’re right.” Vax sighed, rolling onto his back. “I just don’t know what to do next. I’m not a cleric.” 

“Neither was Purvan.” After all, what good was a death champion who read books and cast healing all day?

Vax gave him a funny look. “How do you know about Purvan?” 

Gilmore shrugged. “You know me, dearest. I know everything.” 

“Well, that’s true,” Vax agreed, flatteringly quickly. Gilmore grabbed his face and kissed him again. “What was that for?” 

“General adoration, my love.” Grinning a little, Vax rolled back to slide arms around Gilmore and do some more kissing. And then, after they had lain in companionable silence for several more minutes, Gilmore asked, “I don’t even get to see it?” 

“Oh, fine!” Vax sat up, exasperated. “But just a glimpse and then it goes back into the bag.” While he fumbled with his belongings, Gilmore lit a candle. “Here.” Vax thrust a studded leather pauldron toward him.

“Beautiful.” Gilmore took it, admiring the runework and testing the sharpness of the studs with his finger. 

“Don’t get any ideas,” Vax told him. “This stuff has been underwater on a dead body for centuries. It stinks.” 

Gilmore smirked, holding out the armor piece for Vax to take back. “As you wish.” 

“Just look at this!” Vax said, feigning disgust as he withdrew a mantle framed in glistening black feathers. “Who the hell fights in this?” Gilmore watched as he donned and fastened it. The black trim was striking against his pale shoulders. “Ridiculous,” Vax said, having more and more trouble hiding how pleased he was with it. “Anyway. Now you’ve seen it,” he told Gilmore, starting to shove it all back into the bag. 

Gilmore reached out, gripping his elbow. “Leave the feathers,” he said softly. 

Vax only pretended to look disagreeable for a moment before climbing back into bed with a grin. They did not sleep much that night. 


End file.
